Caring for a Loved One with Dementia: 16 Safe and Supportive Things to Say
Communication is often one of the biggest challenges when caring for a loved one with dementia. Not only can it be difficult for the person with dementia to express themselves, but they can also experience heightened emotional reactions to what might seem like simple statements, questions, or observations from others. Experts emphasize the importance of empathy, simplicity, and respect when communicating with individuals with dementia.
Dr. Michele Nealon, a psychologist and president of The Chicago School, highlights the significance of communicating in a manner that elevates the individual’s dignity, provides emotional support, and reduces anxiety. To facilitate smooth and stress-free communication, dementia experts have shared examples of the right things to say to people suffering from Alzheimer’s or other cognitive disorders.
1. ‘Can you help me?’
Christina Chartrand, the Florida-based vice president of Senior Helpers, a home care company that often assists dementia patients, suggests asking the person with dementia for help. Many times, individuals with dementia are happy to assist with tasks or go to a specific location as it gives them a sense of purpose and contribution.
2. ‘I understand you’re feeling upset’
Dr. Sanam Hafeez, a New York City neuropsychologist, recommends validating the person’s emotions. Normalizing their feelings, even if they are a reaction to something that doesn’t make sense or isn’t real, can prevent confrontation or arguments that may induce frustration or confusion.
3. ‘I enjoy spending time with you’
Showing affection and expressing gratitude can reassure individuals with dementia, helping them feel better about themselves through social interaction. This can create a positive shared experience and bolster their self-esteem.
4. ‘Shall we sit over here?’
Dr. Hafeez advises giving the person a simple task or changing the scene to help reset their mood, especially if they seem agitated. Offering an alternative without confrontation can shift their focus and ease any distress they may be experiencing.
5. ‘You are safe’
Reassuring safety is vital, particularly when someone with dementia feels disoriented or anxious. Adria Thompson, a licensed speech-language pathologist, emphasizes the importance of providing comfort by affirming their safety directly and on their eye level.
6. ‘Would you like to listen to some music?’
Music can stimulate positive feelings and memories in individuals with dementia, even in late-stage patients. It serves as a calming and joyful way to engage them without the need for detailed conversations, reducing stress and confusion while enriching their experience.
7. ‘Tell me about your favorite memory’
Encouraging individuals with dementia to share positive memories can help them connect with their past and feel more grounded. Engaging in a comforting and familiar conversation can be reassuring and validating for them.
8. ‘I’m sorry’
Apologizing and showing empathy can de-escalate situations with someone who has dementia. Even if there is no wrongdoing, saying “I’m sorry” acknowledges the person’s feelings and helps to calm them down, fostering a positive and peaceful interaction.
9. ‘Let’s do this together’
Dr. Nealon suggests offering to do activities together, such as folding laundry or setting the table, to encourage a sense of participation and teamwork. This can boost self-esteem, make the person feel useful, and create a positive shared experience.
10. ‘Let’s try it for now’
When asking a person with dementia to try something new or go somewhere, framing it as something temporary can provide a more positive experience. This approach acknowledges their feelings and avoids creating unnecessary pressure.
11. ‘Can you tell me more about that?’
Michael Kramer, a long-term care educator, recommends asking open-ended questions to invite individuals with dementia to share their thoughts and feelings. This fosters genuine engagement and provides insight into their perspective, allowing them to express themselves on their own terms.
12. ‘I have to go now, so I can get my shopping done for dinner’
Instead of simply saying “goodbye” when leaving, informing the person with dementia of the reason for leaving can prevent them from feeling upset or abandoned. Choosing words that convey a temporary absence can help ease their anxiety.
13. ‘I’ll remind you about that in a minute’
Offering gentle reminders to individuals with dementia can help navigate memory issues without creating pressure or frustration. This reassurance ensures that important details won’t be forgotten and maintains a sense of security.
14. ‘It’s OK if you don’t remember — let’s enjoy the moment’
Acknowledging memory loss and shifting the focus to the present moment can alleviate pressure and encourage mindfulness in individuals with dementia. This approach reduces stress and anxiety by allowing them to relax and enjoy the experience without the fear of forgetting.
15. ‘Let’s look at these photos together’
Engaging in activities like looking at photos can stimulate positive memories and distract individuals with dementia from any confusion or agitation they may be feeling. This emotional and cognitive connection can be comforting without pressuring them to remember specific details.
16. ‘Would you like to go for a walk together?’
Offering to engage in a simple, shared activity like walking can provide a sense of normalcy and companionship for individuals with dementia. Physical activity can reduce anxiety, improve mood, and promote a calm and pleasant experience.
The common thread among these suggestions is to make individuals with dementia feel safe and connected during interactions. Trusting, honest, and genuine communication that fosters relaxation, friendliness, and non-threat can create positive and supportive relationships with loved ones affected by dementia.