When my first daughter was born, I just couldn’t leave her alone. I was too worried about – well, anything – and so I spent whole nights by her side, or she by mine.
I remember one of those nights particularly well: Helene was lying in one of those horseshoe-shaped pillows, dozing, and I watched the entire third season of “Game of Thrones” in one go in our cinema room (now her childhood bedroom), watching the ten episodes with one eye and keeping watch on the girl with the other. I couldn’t fall asleep. The combination of worry and sensation was perfect.
What wasn’t going on back then – on the screen! The plot switched between continents and royal houses, from the ice-cold, crypto-Scottish north, beyond which the long-term winter was approaching, to the African-Asian Essos, the dramatis personae included slaves (a little gender joke), a short smart aleck, a hyper-blonde and the white old man who was in love with her, a malicious royal child, zombies, pyramids, Dubrovnik. You name it. The world of “Game of Thrones” was so overloaded that you didn’t even want to follow the plot anymore because everything was so wonderfully colorful.
Two years ago – the main series had ended ingloriously – there was a prequel called “House of the Dragon”, eight episodes, and everything was completely different. With all due respect: I would have fallen asleep faster than my daughter if I had tried the same thing. Not (at least not only) out of boredom, but mainly because at three in the morning you’re not necessarily in the best shape to be able to follow all the family quarrels and intrigues, all the family misunderstandings and eye-gouging and all the revenge stuff.
“House of the Dragon” was not easy viewing. Everyone was called Aegon or Aegynon or Aegnonyn or Daranyia or Daranyis or Daranatis or something similar, many had blonde hair and black skin, others had blonde hair and white skin and they all belonged to one family, in the broadest sense: the Targaryens.
The clan that gave us the main character (okay, one of half a dozen main characters) in the main series: Daenerys of the House Targaryen, First of Her Name, Queen of Dragon Bay, Queen of Meereen, Queen of the Andals, the First Men and the Rhoynar, Regent of the Seven Kingdoms, Protector of the Realm, Mother of Dragons, Breaker of Chains, Khaleesi and Ruler of the Great Grass Sea, Khaleesi and Ruler of the Dothraki Sea. But also: Lady of Dragonstone and Lady of Casterly Rock.
So, now at least we are among ourselves.
I was able to see four episodes of the new season in advance, and they were incredibly boring and really, really good. They took place exclusively in dark, dank ruins, but also in sets that were so well and magnificently designed that the papier-mâché rocks of Disney’s super series “The Acolyte” would melt in shame. It is excellently well told and yet barely understandable.
It gets to the point incredibly quickly and then it’s just a prelude to “Dance of the Dragons”, for the first taste of which you have to wait until episode four (and the episodes are often more than 60 minutes long). You recognize all the characters and yet you don’t really know who was who and what they wanted and why. My goodness, two years is an incredibly long time, wasn’t that still the Corona thing back then or whatever it was called?
Very roughly: The good king babbles something to himself on his deathbed and his soon-to-be widow on the one hand and his daughter on the other interpret this differently as far as the succession to the throne is concerned. As a result, there are two royal houses, the “Greens” and the “Blacks”, a lot of blood is shed, but there are still long attempts to see whether a black-green coalition might be possible. It isn’t, but we already know that from Friedrich Merz.
How do you review something like that? Or better yet, how do you review something that you can’t explain (because it’s too complicated for a few lines of an article) and aren’t allowed to (because spoilers are forbidden)? Especially for WELT readers who are certainly interested in the subject, but not that much? Maybe like this:
Is the second season of “House of the Dragon” something for you…
…if you liked “Sucsession”?
Basically, yes. You’re into it because you like succession planning tragedies in global companies. You like to watch rough dealings between feuding siblings and their lackeys. Intrigue is your thing. You can’t wait for the old man to finally die so that things can really get going.
But please don’t underestimate them: instead of tailored suits, the yuppies in “House of the Dragon” wear clothes from the medieval market, instead of helicopters they fly on kites, and their houses are real depressing places. You just have to deal with that.
…if you like Godzilla movies?
The dragons! That’s something for you! In the first season, the leather-winged creatures were only seen sporadically, but now there is hardly an outdoor shot without a dragon circling the blue sky like an oracular. Sounds good, but there are still only a few outdoor shots. The animals themselves are real Godzilla meets Ray Harryhausen showpieces. This strange, coarse-grained, angular, boil-like dinosaur skin inspired by Gojira is well-known. And of course the screams, which are practically identical. The first monster-vs.-monster fights are also Godzilla fan-compatible. Sharp claws, pointed teeth. We know where this is going.
Downside: There are a lot of people playing between the dragon fights and they have a lot, a lot to say! They’re basically talking the whole time! And that’s quite distracting!
…if you like Shakespeare?
Welcome! Gloomy knights’ halls in which kings negotiate their own fate and that of the world in complicated ways! Endless monologues without any disturbing plot! And (in the original) English that could hardly be more English. Except in the north, where they speak Macbeth. Ay?
Unfortunately, the people are all made up, invented, figments of the imagination! No, no: no historical background.
…if you love Conan the Barbarian?
“House of the Dragon,” this whole George R. R. Martin high fantasy, is unfortunately a little too simplistic for you. The essence of the world and its gods cannot be summed up better than Conan: “Crom doesn’t care if you pray.” Metaphysics in a nutshell! Oh, Crom!
…if you like violent films with sex scenes?
Don’t let yourself be fooled by what is being written. The second season is not “more brutal” or “more ruthless”, certainly not “bloodier” or “more violent” than any other episode in the “Game of Thrones” universe. This also applies to the sex. In each episode there is exactly one calculated scene in which – if you pay close attention – you can see a breast. Or a wooden stick that a woman has in her mouth. Hehe. And there is one beheading per episode. But that’s all. If you really want more in this regard: Tinto Brass’s “Caligula” will soon be restored. Alternatively: anything is possible with Laura Gemser.
… if you liked The Neverending Story with Atreyu and the Childlike Empress so much?
No! Absolutely not! Use the time and feed your cats instead of watching this series. That takes time, with all those little rascals.
…if you think John Boorman’s Excalibur is the best fantasy film of all time?
Wait! Seriously: “Excalibur” is a great, unfortunately underrated film, but it is not a fantasy film! Fantasy = fantasy. So dwarves, dragons, hobbits, all that rabble. “Excalibur” is a knight film, it is based on a myth, a legend. Don’t get confused!
But you might really, really like House of the Dragon. There are plenty of knights and dirty towns where rat catchers hang from the gallows, and in the end the Game of Thrones universe is a kind of historical England on magic mushrooms.
…if you are a fan of Michael Moorcock?
Why not Elric? Why? Why not just Elric of Melnieboné? Everything about Elric is better than anything Martin has ever written or thought. And that goes for all the other Moorcock stories. Dorian Hawkmoon! That would be a series! No one dares! Typical! Or is it?
…if you really like the Villeneuve version of “Dune”?
Just try it out! Why not? You like a bit of cultivated boredom with nice camera angles and there are also three or four actors who, like Timothée Chalamet, belong to the new category of hot rodent man. What are they now? Pointy-nosed, curly-headed, pale, always looking away shyly like the rat I saw this morning in Berlin-Lankwitz. But they’re actually quite cute.
…if you are a fan of “Lord of the Rings”?
Stop! That’s not so easy, we have to differentiate! So:
Is the second season of “House of the Dragons” something for you as a “Lord of the Rings” fan…
…if you devour the books?
Absolutely! Nothing is as boring as most chapters of The Two Towers, which are pages and pages of Legolas, Aragorn and Gimli running around. So you don’t mind the long dialogues in House of the Dragons. You also have no problem reading what feels like 8,000 pages before something happens for the first time (“Gandalf blew a perfect smoke ring from his pipe”).
Unfortunately, you can’t admit it because the second season of “Rings of Power” starts in the summer. Oh, you hate them anyway? Well then!
…if you liked Peter Jackson’s film adaptations?
No hobbits, no elves, no orcs. But there is a bit of violence and a few scenes in a brothel. Difficult. Maybe it would be better to watch the director’s cut of “The Fellowship of the Ring” again? Better safe than sorry!
…when you have read The Silmarillion?
Then “House of the Dragon” is absolutely your thing! You know how it all ends, but you want to know what happened beforehand. You think plots are overrated anyway and you also liked reading the parts of the Old Testament where it says: Simon fathered Ben. Ben fathered Ishmael. Ishmael fathered Habakkuk. Habakkuk fathered Jacob … and so on! You write angry letters to the authors (or their great-grandchildren) when you think you’ve discovered a mistake! You didn’t understand above why it’s so strange that everyone has basically the same name! If you and “HotD2” were on Tinder – that would be sizzling!
… and if you just miss “Game of Thrones”?
Then you have no other choice anyway!
